I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
