So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
