I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we made out on top of his cat.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
