He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
