All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
