You're my little dorito
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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