when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
