I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
