I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
