my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
two words: eviction party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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