i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
