My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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