yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
