i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize