I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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