I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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