i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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