remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
