oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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