I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize