Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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