The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
