you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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