shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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