Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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