You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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