Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
