Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
