He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
