ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
