Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
