I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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