carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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