plz talk dirty to me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
