Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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