but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
