Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
