before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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