tell your sister to shave her snatch
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
