If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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