The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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