i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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