Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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