ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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