My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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