I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
