If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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