why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
