That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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