I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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