roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
