We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
