he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
