I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think brook has ever known best
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
