My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
