I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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