so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
