I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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