You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
