On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
