Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
