My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
