This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
