I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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