If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
