he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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