Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
