I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
