We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
