yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
